When regret weighs heavy

Yesterday was full of regret for me, moments of handling rudeness with sharp words instead of patience, of losing my cool so entirely over repetitive but minor disobedience that even after apologizing I went to bed just wanting to push the ‘forget’ button.

I woke still heavy with frustration, both with myself and the one with whom it feels I’m sometimes making no headway. I tossed on my running clothes and went for a run. Away.

Onto my mp3 player came ‘No Better‘ by Shaun Groves. “Lay me down the with the liars, brawlers, thieves and back-biters… because I’m no better…” Basically the song is a brutal assessment of himself, and wow, that jived with my feelings at that moment.

But as the last notes faded, I was longing to hear grace. I knew it was there, but I’d been focused so intent on my failures that I wasn’t giving myself permission to see it. Then came ‘Reach’ by Peter Furler.

You hold the weight of the world
Still I don’t slip through Your hands
Your love is bigger than just an ocean built by man
I fall again and again but You whisper, “You’re still mine”
You feel the pain of the world but You never push mine aside

Yep. That’s exactly what I needed to hear this morning. Maybe some of you do too.  And come to think of it, it’s probably what that frustrating but much-loved child of mine needs to hear too.  Because as I freshly discovered this morning, grace is sweetest when you least deserve it.

And the rest of Monday?  Was pleasant and good and enjoyable between my young one and me.  Thanks in part to the beneficial effects of a sleep and a run, but probably mostly compliments of the One whose grace is new every morning. May His name be praised.

{ 9 Comments }

  1. I am reminded of the Sunday morning when you hugged me as I tearfully shared with you these same sentiments. I wish I could give you back the same understanding hug with the assurance that Jesus’s grace is bigger. Wrap yourself in it my friend. <3

  2. So, so lovely.

  3. “losing my cool so entirely over repetitive but minor disobedience” This was me today. Thank God that I get to start over again tomorrow. And thank you so much for sharing this.

  4. Thankful His mercies are new every morning (or moment!) Thanks for writing this.

  5. Oh gosh, I had one of those days last Thursday. The quote of Anne of Green Gables always springs to my mind at the end of a day like that. “Marilla, isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”

  6. Wow- thank you for being real, and for your encouragement!

  7. Ugh! This happens to me way too often with a daughter of mine that struggles with control, manipulation and lying. Why can’t I just stay calm and think before I speak harshly??? I’m so grateful for another day in which to allow God to continue working in my life. Blessings!

  8. My Monday started with the words “I wish you had never adopted me” at 7:30am and went downhill from there. My reaction wasn’t the best to say the least. Isn’t there a rule that says moms need to be fully awake before being told that? Well, there should be 🙂 Thankfully God moved us through the day with the right words to say and the ability to understand them. We couldn’t have done it on our own, that’s for sure! The day ended with a note that was signed “me + mom = love”. In everything there is good. Thank you Father. Now if I can just do it better from the start next time…