Opinion Saturday: Hair or not?

Remember this bold pronouncement? Well, it was made before I realized that my new girls would come home loving my long hair. I am itching to cut it, and yet whenever I start talking about a haircut, the girls howl in dismay. “No!!! WHY???”

So that’s my dilemma– and my Opinion Saturday question: do I cut it or not? Yes, it’s my hair. But they love it…. What’cha think?

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  1. Well I am not one to ask…..
    My Boo loves my hair. He plays with it when he is tired. He instructs me on how to wear it. He loves it when I wear it down. He would be positively hysterical if I cut it. When I have a trim he cries.

    My hair is now half way down my back. And heavy. And sometimes when I take a deep breath when it is windy I get a lung full of hair. Or I wind it up with the window in the car. Or it falls into my dinner…..

    But I won’t cut it. To keep the peace. To keep my Boo happy. Cause to my Boo my hair is what makes me, me.

    So yeah. No comment from me…… hahaha

  2. i love the cut you had. i haven’t seen a photo of you lately – i vote to keep the awesome cut. 🙂 from your friend jcn (who has always had shoulder length or shorter hair).

  3. I reckon a compromise. Go for a trim. If you don’t cut it at all, then it will split. Have you shown them a photo of your hair then? Ask them if they like it, promise it will not be any shorter than that.

  4. not that you may want to take advice from me, since you don’t know me, but my advice would be cut it. (1) you never know your girls may like it short once they see it. (2) even if they don’t, it will grow back. (3) cutting it may bring you happiness and it really isn’t hurting anyone if you DO cut it.

    just an opinion

  5. I am partial to the cute shorter cut…. But, I’d have a hard time cutting off too much length if my kids were upset about it. Then again, maybe I’d just cut it anyway – it’s on my head and I’m the one that has to care for it. 🙂 Best wishes making the decision.

  6. Honestly, I’d go for the less stress option. If cutting it would mean less hair care, I’d deal with the disappointment. I like iccleane’s idea of showing the girls a pic first. If dealing with the girls’ disappointment is harder than the current hair care, I’d leave it long. 🙂

  7. i really like the cut you had too… it’s still long enough to be played with… and easier for you to manage.

  8. Hmm, thats a hard one. How about you comprimise with them. Leave it long for the winter and then when spring comes you can get a new doo to turn you into a beautiful new swan????

    Maybe they just need to know it is coming.

  9. I know I’m probably not on your list of people whose hair opinions you would care about, but I think your long hair is absolutely gorgeous, and wouldn’t cut it for the world!!!

  10. I faced a similar thing with Jonathan growing up. He doesn’t like change. When John shaved his mustache off the first time, he freaked. He didn’t know who daddy was. So, when I was going to get my haircut short, we talked and he feaked again. “no, No! You won’t look like my mommy!!!!” He wailed, and wailed.

    We talked, rationalized, explained- to no avail. So, I kept it long for the winter (which is a blessing and a curse) and towards spring we started looking at pictures of hair styles. After a few weeks of looking together, he and I found one that we both agreed on (although I let him think he had full control over the decision).

    I made that fateful haircut day one for just the two of us. He held the picture book, toddled up to the stylist and showed it to her. She and watched the tears fall as she went to work, and he saved some of my hair. But he got to see that mommy ot in the chair with one haircut, and came out of the it with anther. And, I was still his beloved mommy.

    After that, it wasn’t so traumatic, although 10 years later, he still fusses when I talk about a cut.

    Maybe, the girls just have this picture of you in their heads and need more time to transition. They may want to braid and style an have something tangible they can do to hold onto that time they spent knowing you were out there, but still just a picture.

    Maybe spring is the time for new starts, and new haircuts.

    In the meantime, you have a warm neck and they wil have warm memories 🙂

  11. Your haircut was just too cute, and I can understand wanting to get your hair cut again. But I think your two newest girls have had very little control in their own lives for the last few YEARS, and maybe giving them some leeway for the next few months would give them some (more) confidence and enforce the importance of them and their opinions. But if you’re miserable, maybe buy some hairstyling books and help them pick out a cut for you (maybe give them 3-4 options so you don’t have, y’know, flock of seagulls or the punk look going on). Good luck~

    Tamatha

  12. I’d definitely vote for a cut. Is it long enough to donate though? (I think it has to be ten inches.) Maybe you could talk to them about helping girls who don’t have hair or loose their hair. Then it won’t be like Mom cutting her hair off but rather Mom helping another little girl.

  13. I am fixin to cut mine and donate it to Locks of Love. I think I am getting a similar style to Kate of “Jon & Kate Plus 8”, easy to manage yet pulled together at the same time.

    But you have to do what is right for you. A woman’s hair is supposed to be her crowning glory but how is something glorious when it is a tedious upkeep?

  14. ahhhh!!! Your girls love you!!! : ) My opinion : ) is simply to do what best suits your family! Hair can be really demanding!!!! I’ve been trying to find that happy medium of easy and still makes me feel attractive to my husband! : ) Ya know….that “perfect” look 🙂 If you find it, let me know! : )

  15. Mrs. Jones says:

    Oh my… did anyone even think to ask what mom wants? Moms already give so much. Asking to be left alone as to the very personal decision of a haircut is more than reasonable. Short… long… straight… wavy… whatever. It’s up to you. What does MARY want?

  16. girluknow says:

    If you have ten inches to cut off, go to locksoflove.org and get the information on how to donate it so that cancer patients may have it for wigs. Thanks.

  17. Jeanine Smith says:

    Howdy! I found your blog after leaving another and read of your question to cut or not cut your hair. I have four boys and understand that children can have a hard time dealing with big change. However being a busy mom you want something that is easy to manage on a daily basis yet look sophisticated when you want.

    An idea I had is looking into computer programs that can give you different ideas of what you would look like with different hairstyles and colors. Not that you want to color you hair but if a program like that could be shown to your daughters then they could “help” you choose a new style as well as give them an idea of what Mommy’s new hair would look like. It might make the transition easier for them, and could be fun because they could see if they were to have a new style. Maybe it could be just fun for the whole family. Lots of silly styles that could be laughed at before a real style could be choosen.

    nean and boys

  18. I’m with Julie, leave it long for the winter and then cut it in the spring.

  19. Keep it! At least for a little while…

  20. How about a new style but one that has long layers or something? It’s a little more structured if you want pizazz for goin’ out but you can put it up in a pony or have a bunch of braid-lovin’ girls play with it!

    This works for me. In my case it’s my husband who doesn’t like it short but it’s hard to do any ‘doos’ with much polish or body. So my hair is a couple of inches below my shoulders but has layers that are just long enough to reach my ponytail holders. I’m ready in a jiffy with a ponytail or up-do in a clip or I can style the layers instead!

  21. I’d cut it. My Ethio kid wanted my hair long but it was evident that she was trying to make me into the Mother she expected to be. Unfortunately, what she wanted in a mother was nothing more than a expendable slave (learned that in her first family i.e. mothers are garbage)….so I cut it and keep cutting it.

  22. I like Melissa’s idea to keep it longer, but add layers. That’s what I did to get my hair styled but still keep my husband happy. He loves the long hair. But, a shorter hair style does make me feel a little spunkier. It looks nicer and then I put in more effort to make the rest of me look nicer. It’s good simply grooming.

  23. If you want my honest opinion, I will give it to you in a private email. There are some ramifications you may not have considered.

  24. I seem to remember you mentioning that your daughters have enjoyed styling your hair and I believe that time has served as part of your bonding period. I would definitely keep that in mind. Yes, you need to make things easier for yourself, have a style you enjoy, etc., but maybe a compromise (a trim to even out the ends now, a little length later on) would allow them (and you) a little more time for the styling sessions you have been enjoying…

  25. If these were kids who’d grown up knowing you as their mom their entire life, I’d say cut it and give them a kleenex. heh.

    But the situation is a bit different, and at their ages, and having through necessity needed to be more “grown up” than kids that age in our country, having a lot of responsibility and independence, I think involving them in the process will make them feel more valued as part of the family. I don’t know what line needs to be established, though, that makes clear the boundary between child and parent.

    Things to maybe consider- what is considered culturally acceptable for adult women’s hair, in their country? Do adults in their culture accept children making such requests/demands? And I say “their” because I don’t believe people make a transition in just a couple of months. I’m sure that in many ways, Ethiopia is still home for them, and sets the foundation for much of what they view as normal. But I also expect that you already know all of that.

    And not knowing any of you more than what you’ve shared on this blog, really leaves me not qualified to give opinions anyhow 😉 But you did ask directly.

  26. I would say wait. You can always cut it again later, and yes it did look cute short. But it’s not like you have to do it right now, you can get a cut whenever you want. Your girls have had many transitions, perhaps they are simply upset at the thought of this woman they are just getting to know changing.

    I would wait a few more months, and then, if you want it cut, just go and do it. Don’t ask anyone’s opinion or give any warning, just get it done while you are out one day and that’s the end of it. Then you are neither compromising your authority as mom by giving them the impression that they can tell you what to do, and you aren’t going against their wishes either. You can demonstrate that it’s your decision to make by simply having it done, without consulting them. But you have you wait a while to do that, until the conversation is far behind you.

  27. stopped by just to tell you that i finally posted my own “i am from” …thanks for tunning me into this so long ago

  28. Just read through these, and I had an idea no one else has mentioned. How about making it a special ‘girls makeover day’? Bring the two girls with you, and maybe even have their hair styled, and then maybe to the makeup counter somewhere for a free consult, spray on some sample perfume. Making it a fun cool day will involve them and maybe mae the short cut okay?

    And I am not the private email Denise… another one.

  29. I have read you often but must comment on the hair! I too have had long hair all my life, but love the short cut. Let me tell you for a few bucks you can have both, and it looks great! I am not kidding, in the mall where I live, I tried one of them, and even lil’ ‘ol conservative me loved it! I am getting a cut this week, and getting my clip in hair for those high glam days! (Or really bad hair days!) You really need to take a look! http://www.ultimatelooks.com/hairpiecesbystyle.htm