All Meat, All The Time

When I close my eyes I see meat. Specifically, the white fatty connective junk that streaks pieces of meat. You see, all I’ve been doing for the past three days is eating meat.

It’s not that I’m not thankful for my blessings. Truly I am. I have always been a committed meat-itarian and that’s not likely to change anytime soon. But sometimes too much of a good thing is just too much.

It started Saturday noon, right before the funeral. A nice little family get-together at my mom’s house. Ham, potatoes, jello. Fine and dandy. Then after the funeral came the dinner at church. More ham. More potatoes. Still top-class, excellent food. After the dinner, I was offered the last of the leftover ham and potatoes to bring home. Being the cheapskate that I am, I accepted, thinking happily of not having to cook after church on Sunday.

Yes, indeedy, we had the ham after church. (Are you getting thirsty just reading this?) By then I was starting to get sick of the whitish fatty junk streaking every piece of ham. (I refuse to actually eat ham-fat, which make ham-eating rather painstaking and knife-intensive work for me. made even more tedious by the fact that at every meal I also cut the meat of my two youngest children.)

There was so much ham still left over that for dinner Sunday evening I made a nice stirfry. Loads of veggies, not much ham. I was starting to reach my ham saturation point. Monday noon I wasn’t in the mood to cook. Time to pull out the leftovers. Apparently all that ham was clogging my brain, because I temporarily forgot how SICK I was getting of the ham, and pulled it out yet again. And ate more.

Monday dinner, we were invited to dinner at someone’s house. What a gracious hostess. What a blessing. The meal: prime rib, homemade rolls, and garlic potatoes. A meal fit for a queen. But, perhaps, a less meat-saturated queen than I. Though the beef was a nice switch from ham, there was more whitish junk to cut out from between the bites. I tried to go light on the meat, but was still forced to cut it for both my little girls.

As we were leaving at the end of the very nice evening, my generous hostess pressed the other half of the enormous prime rib into my greasy hands. “Here’s lunch tomorrow,” she said. I didn’t have the heart to tell her the story of the meat. I just thanked her.

On the way home, I closed my eyes and, honestly, all I saw was fatty, slippery meat. Meat which I had to cut. I was very much afraid I was going to dream about it.

My 14 year old son, the most dedicated meat-lover in our family, is going to be disappointed, but I think the rest of this prime rib is going in the freezer for a good long spell. Gotta give my arteries a chance to clear out.


  1. LOL!! I hear ya sista!! I made hot dogs for lunch for all of us on Saturday, on Sunday we went to eat lunch and MIL's house….she had hot dogs, and at church Sunday night (family fun night) they had hot dogs to eat. BLECH!! If I see another dawg I'm gonna gag.

  2. Totalyl unrelated, but I love your new header. Adorable!

  3. Now I don't wanna eat meat, either! Ah, the power of suggestion…

    It's nice that people were thinking of you when they gave you the meat, though. My dad gave me an old lamp out of the garage on Sunday; my mom secretly said I could sell it. ;^)

  4. LOL I love meat but I think I'm a little sick of it after reading your blog LOL

    That prime rib does sound really good though, see now I'm wanting some…..sigh.

  5. I'm a meat fan, but I think your blog just did me in. I think I'll do a veggie stir fry for dinner tonight.

  6. Ew, ham.
    ……That's all I've got.

  7. Anonymous says:

    LOL, five years ago after a week at the in-laws with red meat on the menu everyday, my family swore off red meat! We eat fish and chicken but no red meat. Now, I remember just how bloated and unhappy we were!!

    loving the veggies but also loving your blog!! Waiting for my ERGO to arrive!


  8. This was hilarious, Mary! And so well-written that I don't think I can eat ham for awhile after simply reading about it. 😉

  9. We are having chef salad night tommorow night. I get in those spells too many nice good rich dinners.

  10. Okay, I'm not exactly a vegetarian, but this is just gross, Mary.

    How's everyone doing? Y'all are going to miss your grandpa. What a blessing that your kids had a great-grand for a while.

  11. I couldn't help but picture the Israelites in the wilderness after they complained about manna and whined for quail. Remember how God gave them quail? He gave them quail, all right…He gave them all the quail they wanted…He gave them quail til it came out of their noses!

  12. Carol, We're doing pretty well. So comforting to know he is in heaven!