A giveaway and a favor

I have a book giveaway for you today! Tokens of Affection: Reclaiming Your Marriage After Postpartum Depression is billed as a book for couples recovering from postpartum depression, but I chose to review it thinking it might encourage adoptive families as well.  Adoptive moms can struggle with depression in just the same way that bio moms do. Bottom line– adding a child to your family can be a very challenging adventure.  And in times of stress it can be easy for people to grow apart.

As I suspected, a lot of the advice in the book did translate very easily to couples who’ve adopted. But I didn’t expect the ideas in the book to apply so easily to almost any challenging yet important relationship in life– whether that be with a spouse, a friend, or maybe even a teen who’s having a hard time seeing you as an ally instead of an enemy.

The author calls these ideas ‘tokens of affection’– basically gifts you freely give to your loved one because you desire for the relationship to grow and improve.  Chapters talk about each of the tokens: esteem, collaboration, selflessness, sanctuary, expression, tolerance, and loyalty.  As you read this list, you might have a gut feeling about which of these tokens might be hardest for you to offer your loved ones.  The book explains how each token builds the relationship in a different way, and gives ideas for offering each of these tokens to your spouse.  And the awesome thing is that both partners don’t necessarily have to have read this book– just one partner offering these tokens will begin to improve the relationship, offering both partners incentive to come together and work more at the relationship.

I’m not quite done with this book yet, but I’ve found it to be worth every minute of time I’ve given it.  I recommend it very highly. If you’d like a chance to win a copy, comment below and tell me which token sounds most intriguing.  Is it one you’d like to receive?  One you’re good at giving?  One that challenges you? I think I’m good at loyalty and collaboration, but probably could work on being more tolerant, especially of differences of opinion.  I personally would love to get the token of expression– to be able to express what I’m feeling without judgement or without having to worry that expressing myself will upset the equilibrium.

OK, so that covers the giveaway.  The other thing that I wanted to do in this post is ask a favor of you in regard to my Owlhaven facebook page.  First, if you haven’t already liked it, would you follow this link and do so? It’s one way you can support my writing. Second, Facebook has recently made changes so that even when you ‘like’ a page, you don’t always see all of the updates on that page.  (They want folks to pay for advertising.) If you would like to receive a fb notification each time there’s a new post here, what you need to do is go to the “Liked” button  here on my facebook page, hover over it, and then click on “get notifications.” That way you’ll know if I have a new post up.  Thanks so much!

Remember to comment below if you’d like to win a copy of ‘Tokens of Affection’ and as always, thanks so much for reading here!


  1. STEFANI wahlquist says:

    I would love a copy! I think selflessness & expression would be hardest for me-expression both to speak & to hear.

  2. Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. My oldest is 8, going on 16… or so it seems. I really feel the need to improve my parenting, especially as we approach the tumultuous pre-teen and teen years. I’m praying for the right resources and books to guide me. This book sounds like a winner, since I need to learn to give “tokens” freely, without expecting anything in return.

  3. This book sounds great! I have struggled with depression at different times in my life, always during a big change (new baby, move to a new town where we don’t know anyone, etc.) My husband struggled with depression a few years ago during a layoff. So we both have to watch out for depression in ourselves, and I suspect our kids would be prone to depression as well. Would be a very good book to have in our library!

  4. Sanctuary is difficult right now…our house is chaotic and cluttered and I so wish I could offer more peace here as my husband is the main caretaker of his parents who after years of independent living have faced major health issues ongoing. I hope the book goes to a struggling mom but your post reminds me that I can be more than supportive during this difficult time for as long as it continues. It has been a rough year and more!

  5. I need to give more selflessness. I constantly have opinions– about society, about how I should run my home, about how I should relate to the rest of my family– and I am constantly expecting that, since I am an adult, they will carry some weight. I need to do away with that and remember that I am the foundation of my family and, like the foundation of a house, that means I am at the bottom and taken for granted.

    I would love to have the token of expression– I wish that it were morally acceptable for me to voice those things and that it were not as worthless as speaking into the wind. I want it, but I can’t have it, and I need to give it up.

    I would like to give my kids sanctuary and tolerance– a place where it is safe for them to be themselves, to act like boisterous children and have bad days and make mistakes. But I am training them to go out in the world and survive, and the world won’t give them any of those things, so I can’t either.

  6. Kris in MO says:

    I feel that I have never really recovered after my last baby…who is 2 1/2…I would love to read this book. I think that selflessness and possibly sanctuary (depending on what that means in the book) might be the most needed and intriguing to me.

  7. I am curious about sanctuary.

  8. Amanda H says:

    Finally starting to be on the upside of postpartum depression and my husband and I are trying to rediscover how to enjoy life together, so this book sounds like something i would love to read for ideas.

  9. Sounds like a really interesting book

  10. NOT on facebook and don’t plan on ever being, also not on twitter, pininterest, etc. I follow your blog a bit and my daughter’s but that is it and email my children once a week. With no computer or cell phone very easy to not let electronics take over my life- only use computer for work purposes and during my break times.
    Would rather spend my time playing cards, games, traveling, and baking with teenage daughter and grandchildren. Also too cheap to spend money for internet connection and all the electronic gadgets!
    As for the book, while it sounds interesting, I know myself well enough to know I would not read the whole book or give it the attention it needs. My free time is spent cross stitching throughout the year to give gifts to 10 children and 4 grandchildren from towels, bible covers, pillow cases, aprons, napkins, placemats, tablecloths, napkin holders, christmas stockings, etc. – not really reading much the last few years.

  11. Melissa Bowers says:

    It sounds like the kind of book I would really enjoy reading. I would love to win a copy.

    I would have to learn more about each of the “tokens” before I can say which is the hardest to offer my loved ones.

    Anyway, if I win, I will read the book and then probably pass it on to a friend of mine who is adopting a child from overseas, hopefully within the next two months!

  12. chantel says:

    I just had our 6th child 4 months ago, so I would say sanctuary at this point. Life is crazy and chaotic but beautiful all at the same time at this season in our lives..

  13. i get your notifications hope that helps ty

  14. I would love to win a copy of this for a good friend who was recently hospitalized with ppd. I can’t even imagine what she had her wonderful family are dealing with right now.

  15. Collaboration and Expression resonate with me. I’d love to read what the book says about all of these “tokens” though. I think the book might be very helpful right now.

  16. Selflessness is always something I need help with. I would love the book

  17. confirm the gear over for damage, and order when it
    works. The process works the same as a photography class minus the darkroom setting.
    “Next class we will begin learning about Impressionism.


  1. […] winner of last week’s book giveaway Tokens of Affection is commenter #1 Stefani. […]