Words spoken this morning

I am NOT a morning person, but the day doesn’t tend to wait for me to wake up.  Of course it would also help if I didn’t stay up so late every night.  Thus the need for multiple cups of coffee most mornings. (The mug below gave me a chuckle.) Below is probably about 20% of what I actually said during the first 2 hours of the day.

  • “OK, everyone come cook your own eggs.”
  • “_____, can you slice the bread?”
  • “_____, you make juice.  Since we hardly have any orange, let’s juice some carrots and apples and add 2 quarts of grape juice.”
  • “Every rule reminder today costs you 5 kisses. Maybe I’ll get a lot of kisses today!” (not minding the idea of kisses, but expecting that the teenagers will prefer to do what they’re supposed to do instead of having to kiss mom.)
  • “No, the grape juice doesn’t need sugar.  It’s already insanely sweet. Remember, we picked the grapes after the frost this year, so that made them really sweet.”
  • “Could we please not play basketball during breakfast?”
  • “Everyone get a piece of toast.”
  • (to 7yo running around with her cup wary of mom’s crazy-juice mixture) “Put your cup by momma’s and let [brother] give you juice.”
  • “Everyone have your Bible?  What chapter on we on today? My brain is not awake.”
  • “Yes, you need an egg.”
  • “Oh, yay, I get 5 kisses.”
  • (10 minute discussion about the mega-fire in Daniel 3, the highlights being how great is the power of our God and how the details given in the story showed that so incredibly clearly.  Good stuff and just what this momma needed to hear this morning.)
  • “OK, thanks everyone.  Let’s get going on cleanups and your first subjects.”
  • “Oh, yay, I get 5 more kisses.  And I get to kiss you too.” (7yo goes away grinning hugely.)
  • “Are you supposed to be talking or cleaning the kitchen?  Remember not to disturb people working.”
  • (after a crash in the kitchen) “Please be careful.”
  • (5 seconds later, second crash, different child) “Please be careful!”
  • (to 1st grader:) If you have one cookie and you give away zero cookies, how many do you have left?”
  • (to guitar players:) “OK, that’s enough tuning.  Now play.”
  • “How much is 7 10’s?  70.  Write it here.”
  • “Thanks for bringing scraps to chickens, ______.”
  • “The kitchen looks good.  Thanks!”
  • “No, you may not do your math outside.  It’s 30 degrees.”
  • “Let me check the answer key.  No, the answer is supposed to be in yards cubed.”
  • “You need to do some more thinking.”
  • “No, thinking is not a waste of time. Let’s see the index.  Look for volume.  See, chapter 47.  Read it and then listen to it on your Jump CD.”
  • “Sound it out.  ‘t-h’ says?  Right.  ‘i-r’ says?  Yeah. Good!!”
  • (to self) “OK, no more computer this morning.”

Add about 100 other sentences and 3 more sets of kisses and that’s what went on during the first 2 hours of my day.  No wonder I am tired of the sound of my voice by noon.  Now I’m off to cut out more baby diapers while I listen to several sets of kids read to me.  Have a great day, y’all!

PS– What’s the craziest sentence you’ve spoken so far today?


  1. “Sure, why not. You can wear your pajamas over your clothes.”

  2. “Oh, oops. You’re the wrong child.”

  3. I think about this often….it should be a whole book of funny things mom say. I told my son today, ” can you please put your Legos down while you wash the table!”

  4. “OK…who put the nativity set on the potty?” (It was the 2 year old.)

  5. I can only think of the craziest thing I heard today (from 3yo)….”Aah, my hands are too cold to hold my penis”. Sorry.

  6. Stop biting the couch! And licking it is also a no no.

  7. awesome! Very funny!

  8. After reading 1 Corinthians 12 on the distribution of spiritual gifts being likened to parts of the body:

    Me to the girls: So, does your ear write?
    Girls in chorus: No!
    Me, again: Do your toes smell?
    Girls: hysterical giggling

  9. “No, don’t chainsaw the TV!!!”

    And the other day, my 5 y.o. says of his 2 y.o. brother, “He’s kicking me in the pee-pee!” Me, “Then move your pee-pee!”

  10. I think the best one yesterday was “If you are peeing outside the toilet on purpose mommy is going to be mad. That looks like on purpose to me.” He swears it wasn’t. The joys of three year old twin boys.

  11. To my husband, regarding our 2yo:”She got dressed all by herself–but her pants are on backwards and she put both legs in 1 hole of her underwear and its on over a diaper.” Either that or, “Yes, you may use your lightsaber to turn on the light in the bathroom.” (our 4yo is too short to reach)

  12. It wasn’t today, but I did recently hear myself say, “Don’t throw the chickens please.”

  13. Jeri Riddick says:

    Just catching up…my hilarious phrase was from yesterday when we were all in Walmart…”wait, we lost one, no wait, we’ve lost two! Oh wait, there’s one. But what happened to Jovi?” As a set of parents with 3 of their own were overhearing me get a little desperate since Jovi is my baby that is 5. He turned out to be behind me. :o) Funnier was running into the family on the next aisle and the mom was counting “1 2 3”. Turns out she was counting there 5yo triplets! And then she said they also had 9yo twins. We swapped a few hilarious thoughts about having kids that look like multiples and the myriad of questions and comments we get.

  14. It isn’t mine, but my all time favorite – my sis-in-law on the phone interrupts herself to tell her kids, “We DO NOT lick anything in the bathroom.”

    I couldn’t stop laughing long enough to finish our conversation. Kids are the best. Thanks for the chuckles, Mary.