Book giveaway: Love and Respect

I confess– I contacted the publisher and asked permission to do a review/giveaway, that’s how interested I was in getting my hands on a copy of this book.  Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs was written by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. The premise of the book is this:  the most satisfying marriages are built on a husband who shows his wife love, and on a wife who shows her husband respect.  Obviously men also need love and women also need respect, and different people need each to differing degrees.  But in general, just as Ephesians 5:33 indicates, in a marriage relationship, a man’s main job is to love his wife and a woman’s is to respect her husband.  We often think that if our spouse would just act a certain way, then of course it would be easier for us to do our own part of that equation.   But that’s the kicker:  we need to do our part whether or not we think our spouse has earned it with his or her behavior.  In doing so we set up our relationship for  greater success, and we will most likely find that our spouse to be more inclined to meet our own needs.

I think this book used a few more words than it absolutely needed to explain this concept.  But I did like the stories of people who’d had tremendous success when they gave this ideas a try. The book made a lot of sense to me, and left me determined to do better at this myself.  If you’d like to win a copy, comment below and tell em what you think of this love/respect idea. Does it resonate with you? What’s more important to you?  To your spouse?

I will pick a winner from all the comments on Monday.  For an additional entry, like this post on facebook, and comment AGAIN to tell me that you did.  Looking forward to hearing what you think.




  1. I have heard good things about this book. As a fairly newlywed (less than 2 years) I long to have a solid foundation for my marriage. I have seen how the respect of a wife can lead her husband to Christ. This happened in my mentor’s life. And I have seen how love and commitment from a husband can bring a wife out of a truly long dark season in her life, this example is my parents. I think in it’s truest form love and respect will create a healthy marriage, because that is how God created it to be, and it is ultimately the image of Christ and His church. Maybe the church could learn a thing our two about our relationship with Christ from this book too…

  2. The idea makes sense. I’d like to know more about it though. How does it translate in day to day life is what I am curious about.

  3. I too have heard good things about the book. I interested in what he has to say. The concept isn’t new=) So, I’m interested to read how he presents it.

  4. You have to have a willing partner to make this idea work–from someone who knows firsthand.
    I think besides this idea the most important item in a marriage is humor.

  5. I have this book, so I don’t need to enter the giveaway, but as an FYI for your other readers, it’s a great book!! For Sophie, commenter #2, he gives practical ways to implement the principles in your life.

  6. Ooo…this is one my “to read” list and it’s not at the library. I’d love to learn more!

  7. I’d love to read this book!

  8. I would like to read this book.

  9. I would love to read it – it makes perfect sense to me.

  10. My only comment is Ephesians 4. It does make perfect sense. We as “feeling” women want love. Our “thinking” husbands want respect. It appeals to the way we were created.

    And I did “like” this post on Facebook. Thank you for your wonderful blog.

  11. I’ve heard good things about the book and believe the premise is solid. I would love to win a copy to gift to a friend of mine who is struggling in her marriage. Thanks for the opportunity!

  12. I love this concept, believe it’s absolutely true, and would love to read the book 🙂

  13. I think that the concept is absolutely correct. I need to do this more with my teenage son too. I often forget that he craves/needs respect too.

  14. Takes both love & respect. This would be an awesome book to study.

  15. A former pastor of ours recommended this many years ago and I’ve never gotten around to reading it. I would love to win it so my husband and I can read it together (our library doesn’t have it and saving for an adoption makes it kind of tough to buy books).

  16. I ‘liked’ it on Facebook, too. 🙂

  17. Jennifer Bubolz-Miller says:

    Interesting- we’re talkiing about the same thing at my bible study

  18. I am not a religious person and I have never read the bible or attended church. (I just wasnt raised that way) So I am curious as to the definition of respect in this book (and bible).

    • Gypsie, It talks a lot about the tone of your interactions. For example:
      — choosing to assume the other person is well-intentioned
      –telling him what you admire about him
      –communicating concerns gently. Men hear criticism as contempt, which makes it incredibly hard for them to be loving.
      — not assassinating the person’s character every time they do something disappointing.

      According to the book, when guys feel respected, they also feel tremendously more free to LOVE their wives well. You don’t even have to have a ‘cooperative’ spouse to reap the benefits that come from simple respect. And above all, don’t wait until your husband has ‘earned’ your respect. Just do it and see what happens.

      • One excerpt:
        “If [a man’s marriage experience] is typical, after the first year he will know his wife loves him but will feel that she neither likes him nor admires him for who he is as a human being. If the pattern is like most, she will spend her energy seeking to help change him by her loving criticism and complaints, which eventually feel like contempt to him.”

        I thought this passage explained especially well how devastating a relationship lacking respect can feel to a guy.

  19. I’m interested in reading this book. I’ve recently been working on the biblical idea that a man needs to be respected as well as loved. Would love to see what the author has to say about this concept.

  20. My hubby and I got into an semi-argument Wednesday night about this. He doesn’t want me to try to fix his problems for him, he wants me to respect and honor the way he chooses to fix the problems. As a “fixer” this is so hard for me. I would love to read this book.

  21. Heather E says:

    A good friend recommended this book to me recently. Said it changed her marriage. We have both been married 20 years, and I must confess that my marriage is a mess. We had a hugely bad summer, and are trying very hard to work our way through it, and it sounds like this might help….

  22. Sounds very interesting and enlightening. I can use that reminder daily, but am blessed with a very loving husband who is easy to respect. 🙂 Liked on facebook.

  23. Oh, I am so glad to see you giving this book some publicity. My husband’s parents, who I love and admire SO much, have taught this book many times. They’ve modeled a lot of their counseling off of it. I was so blessed to be able to hang around their home in high school and college (even before I was dating my now-hubby). My mom-in-law would talk to me about this and essentially taught me the whole book… and my husband was raised with his parents teaching him these principles. We read the book together as we were preparing to get married. This made for an amazing foundation (well, our foundation is Christ, but you know what I mean). I say this not to brag, but to give GLORY to GOD: we have an amazing marriage. We talk through things as soon as they happen. We are able to stop conflicts right as they start, and almost ALWAYS realize that either I was feeling unloved or he was feeling disrespected. This book helped me understand what he needs, as a man and a husband.

    All this to say… so glad you are giving away a copy of this book. 🙂 I’d encourage EVERYONE who is married and ever will be married to read a copy.

  24. This is NOT an entry to win. I have read this book. I have taught from this book, and I have participated in the 13-week DVD series. If you don’t win this book, be sure to pick one up at the library or buy it.

    I think the instructions in this book for husbands is generally taught well in lots of other resources. But, ladies, the part for us is woefully UNTAUGHT elsewhere. This book explains to us in a way that resonates with MEN what it means to respect them the way the Bible teaches. We do not naturally understand these things and must be taught. Now I also know much better what I need to be teaching my daughters, in words and by example, about respecting their husbands in the future.

    • Pam, Yes, one of my thoughts upon reading this book was to wish I was better at this, not only for my husband’s sake but also to be a good example for my daughters! The book also gave me insight into dealing with teen sons.

  25. Heather Wawa says:

    An older titus 2 type friend counseled me when I asked her how to live out love and respect in my marriage. I knew I was blowing it and I wanted to do better and I needed to know how it looked in real life.

    I’ve been applying her words, words I know are also reflected in this book, and my marriage is so much improved! Praise the Lord! I’d love to be able to read this book as I continue to work on my half of my marriage.

  26. After all these ringing endorsements, I know that I really need to read this book!

  27. This is something I know in my heart I need to work on!

  28. Julie Hammonds says:

    The Life Group at our church started this book, but I have been down with a long-term illness and have been unable to be a part of the study. I would love to have this book. Everyone I know who has read it, loves it!

  29. I’d love to read this book!

  30. I would love to read this book because I heard this truth so many years ago, but have not lived up to living it out. I’ve heard good things about this book. I seek to be a better wife for my wonderful husband AND for my four daughters.

  31. This is a topic that has come up a lot in my life over the last few weeks… I think I’m supposed to be learning a lesson. Excited for the opportunity to win. 🙂

  32. This is a book that I’m curious about and even more so now that I’ve read the comments. While I think my parents have a good marriage, I also think my mom disrespects my dad too much and I’ve found myself falling into that habit too much in my own marriage.

    would LOVE to win and read this book!

  33. I’d love to get my hands on a copy! My husband and I have been living abroad for almost 3 years now and are heading home soon, but I’ve found some parts of our marriage to be a strain. I think this book might help me find a way forward for the next chapter we’re entering.
    Thank-you x

  34. Would love to win this book! I just went to a conference and one of the classes was how we can push each other’s buttons. So, while not trying to be disrespectful to my husband, if I hit a weakness/button then I come across as disrespectful. Hmmm. 7 years into the marriage and 4 kids later, still learning how to make this marriage better every day.

  35. Liked you on facebook!

  36. Hi there! I just found your blog through a friend’s blog, and so far I’m loving what I’m reading (this is coming from a “daughter of 10” – 6 girls and 4 boys in my family!). My husband and I have just had our first baby and we’re learning all about parenting and keeping our marriage strong with a baby around. I would love to read this book and have it as an additional resource 🙂 Thanks for drawing it to my attention, either way!

  37. Aaaaand, liked this post on Facebook!

  38. i have never read it, but have wanted to for a while now….I think for me its love & hubby its definitely respect!


  1. […] here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!(The winner of the book ‘Love and Respect‘ is commenter #18 Gypsy.) ~~~~~ Saturday we headed out to a very cold and windy park for our […]