Parenting hurt kids

One of the biggest challenges of parenthood is encouraging good behavior in kids.  When you adopt older kids who have had difficult past experiences and who don’t start out knowing the family rules and who also need time to bond to mom and dad, that challenge gets even tougher.  Recently I came across a couple of good resources that I wanted to share.

I recently discovered a video series by an adoptive mom named Christine.  She is a mom of many who is dealing with challenging stuff with many of her kids.  In the videos she engagingly describes what she’s found effective with her kids.   Very interesting and insightful.

I also came across a great article by Deborah Hage, discussing how to  teach self control in wounded kids.   If you haven’t dealt with scarred kids, Deborah’s suggestions and descriptions may not resonate with you.  (Count your blessings.) However if you do have tough kids, you will find lots of good stuff both here and in Deborah’s other articles.

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  1. Thanks for sharing those links! We do not currently have adopted children but we do plan to adopt in the future. I am bookmarking those for the future, just incase.

  2. Thank you for sharing these links. We have adopted children, one of whom was adopted at an older age, and I look forward to learning more from these article/videos.

  3. I’m so glad these have been helpful to someone other than … ME! I must say, they are a kick in the pants to keep me focused. 🙂

  4. Holla! Wow. Sometimes it’s just so good to know you’re not alone.

  5. Only had a chance to watch one, but she is spot on! We have a couple of kids right now with some severe RAD and their behaviors make you want to throttle them, when they really need extra attention. Easier said than done!

    An excellent excellent book is The Great Behavior Breakdown by Bryan Post. It’s really transformed some of our strategies.

    • We’re in the same boat…and if we hadn’t stumbled across Bryan Post/Heather Forbes, we’d still be fighting the same battles! I really liked the Strong Sitting idea from Deborah Hage. Might try that with my kiddos tonight.

  6. Thanks for those links – I’ve been thinking lately that it’s time to be intentional about adding a few new tricks to the arsenal.

  7. Mary – I’ll bet those links would be useful for ANY parent. So much of parenting is just common sense mixed with love, but the difference is that when you have kids that have been hurt, you must be so much more sensitive and intentional than you do with kids who would naturally give you more leeway.

    And I think that’s the central difference– you can’t just coast as a parent when you have kids that have been hurt. You have to be on alert and pray constantly and be careful. While the rest of us can get by as long as we’re more or less consistent, you have to be always on your guard. That’s what makes parents like you, who willingly take on these blessings that God appointed for you, so special. And I’m grateful that you’re loving them the way you do!

    Sheila from To Love, Honor and Vacuum

  8. Thank you SO much for these links! I’ve only watched two of the videos so far, but I already know that they will be a wealth of information for us. Our son was only three when he came home, but we’re definitely encountering some post-orphanage behaviors that need to be addressed. Books are wonderful, but hearing a real mom detail her experiences really does affirm that our reactions and behavior can impact our hurting children in a really positive way. THANK YOU, again!!

  9. Thank you for posting – I will bookmark these. I really appreciate that you are someone that has experience and can be such a great example. And you are still smiling!

  10. Thanks for the link to Deborah Hage – I found her articles very interesting and thought provoking, and helpful too, as we are having a problem with a child who is not part of our family but spends a lot of time with us after school. It is great to have some insight on how to deal with kids who you haven’t known from babyhood and who have a lot of past history to deal with.

  11. This has been a week of trying to regroup my thoughts about parenting my older, adopted children. Your article is very timely and I look forward to viewing Christine’s videos. I feel like I’ve read at least a million books on the subject of parenting hurt kids and my brain is on overload in terms of what to do next. I need to hit my knees and beg for more wisdom.


  12. I really appreciate your recommendation of Christine. She is my new favorite blogger, so thank you!

  13. I’ve been reading her blog for some time – she’s really wonderful. Her suggestions have been invaluable at my house.

  14. I don’t have adopted kids, but many of these parenting techniques are just what I need to switch things up.

    I was just looking at my FB, and one of my friends who does have adopted kids posted that she’s in the middle of a rough morning. The Lord may have wanted her to see the videos, and I got to be the in-betweener. :0)

  15. great resources…thanks so much

  16. THANK YOU!! this info was RIGHT on for our adoptive son! going to implement some of these and definitely watch the videos.