Heard at the ‘haven: kidspeak

“Yook, mommy, it’s a yizzard.” Actually it was a rock, but the 3 year old was greatly amused by her joke.

“Oh, he fell down on the flower!” A surprising thing to hear, since I am pretty sure flowers aren’t allowed on the track during the men’s 200 meter sprint. But this was spoken by the (home 1 year) 12 year old, who hasn’t yet learned the difference between ‘flower’, ‘floor’ and ‘ground’.

“Did the Fossil Paul write the whole Bible, Mommy?” (from our 6 year old daughter).

Our 10 yo Ethio daughter was working on memorizing a verse in Ephesians 6 and said: “helmet of salivation”

And speaking of salivation, our 12 year old Ethio daughter remembered going to the ‘Expanda Express’ for her birthday with grandparents. (Hmm..might be more truth in that than I’d like to contemplate)

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What’s the funniest thing your kid said lately?

{ 41 Comments }

  1. Today the 3 year old stands beside his 5 year old brother watching him play Starfall.com.
    Under his breath he mutters, “And I will not get trouble for this!” and flies his fingers across several keyboard keys.
    Trouble came.

  2. Teenagers don’t say anything funny — they *are* funny 😉

    But I do remember when Miss 13yo Drama Queen was 3. Whenever she would see a flock of birds she would point and gasp and say “Wook, mommy, a whole PILE of boids!” Cute. And we aren’t even from the east coast.

    Then there was the time when she was even younger and before she got speech therapy. She was so bad that only me and her older brother could understand most of what she said, and then not even always him, just me (forget dad, he was clueless). Well the kids were 2 and almost 5 and spending the weekend at my mom’s. My mom called me all flustered one afternoon saying, “Kelly, tell your mom what you want ’cause I can’t understand you!” Kelly: “I wun yutz!” “Oh ok baby, put grandma back on.” Me: “Mom, she wants her lunch.” Long pause. “Oh,” says my mom, “Brendan told me she wanted nuts and I don’t have any and she just keeps getting madder and madder!” Poor Kelly. Always the misunderstood one, LOL. She was hungry for her lunch and grandma just kept saying she didn’t have any nuts. Oh had I been a fly on that wall.

    ah kids.

  3. I remember telling my parents once, when I was doing chores, that my grandparents worked hard so that *I* wouldn’t have to. I won’t tell you what happened, but I never said THAT again.

  4. my 11 mo old busted out with “cockin’ bawls” or cotton balls… as it turned out

  5. I’m probably stealing my sister’s thunder here, but my 22-month old niece cracks us up with her self-commentary. When she is winding down from a short tantrum, she’ll tell HERSELF to “Stop it cryin’, too”, then stop crying. And when we were eating lunch one day, she announced in a perfect imitation of my sister’s calm but firm voice “Ooooh, Noooo, we do NOT throw bib on floor” (as she threw her bib on the floor).
    It’s also easy to tell that she helps mommy “exe-size” because when her grandma helped my niece reach her hands high in the air to pull off her shirt my niece said “…Inhale…”, just like Denise Austin does on the workout video. She also says “Streeeeetch” and “Twist & Twist”, just like Denise! Oh how careful we must watch out for what little ones hear, because they are sure to repeat it!

  6. My 3 yo wanted to wear a specific shirt and pair of shorts this week. I told him that they were in the washer and they needed to be dried. When we got them out of the washer he was frustrated that they were not dry. Under his breath he muttered “Good dryer for drying, bad washer for not drying.”

    I am sure that the washer felt duly chastised. I laughed and laughed.

  7. my 4-year old son has been coming up to me lately and asking me to “make my tracks”. what does he mean? he wants me to raise my eyebrows and thus make the forehead creases or “tracks” that he loves so much.

    there’s nothing like a child pointing your wrinkles to make you feel old, right?

  8. I thought the ’12 year old’ turned 13 recently?

  9. My 3 yo dd was eating breakfast with me the other morning and the TV was just making noise in the other room. I didn’t think she was paying any attention to it, since GMA was on, but when the Dano-mino yogurt commercial came on, she was all ears. At the end of the commercial, it says, “Power Packed, to help kids grow!” Then my dd said, “Mommy, do you have that yogurt?” I told her no. Then she started to really cry. I asked her what was wrong and she said, “If I don’t eat that yogurt, how am I going to grow?”
    Those darn commercials, they already work on 3 year olds!!

  10. this was a few months ago, but my daughter (just turned 3 last week) adores her big brother, as it should be. we were doing our bath night rotation and she looks at me after her brother exited the shower and says “momma, when i turn 5, i will have a penis, right?” i was laughing so hard i could not explain the truth to her at that moment.

  11. My 4 year old told me she thinks it would be funny if the baby in Mommy’s tummy poked it’s head out between my legs and said “HELLOOOOO!!”.

    I don’t think that’d be funny at all!

  12. We realized our 3 yr old was watching too much TV when one day, we were all playing together in the living room when he needed to go to the bathroom. He stood up and said “be right back, after these messages.”

  13. 4 year old friend to my 4 year old son: “Look, I have an Adam’s apple in my throat.” My 4 year old son, feeling his own throat, “I have a banana in mine.”

  14. My three year old can’t say corn or kitties. Instead, much to my husband’s amusement, goes around telling people he loves porn and boobies (use your imagination :))

    And lately my seven year old has taken up to telling me that things are “probably, but not neccessarily” so. Don’t ask me where he got that, but it cracks me up!

  15. My three year old, right after we got back from taking his older brothers to the bus stop, said, “Mommy, it’s so BORING around here, can’t we please go to the SHOE store?” I have no earthly clue where that came from, but I am seriously disturbed that our life is more boring than a shoe store.

  16. My sons always make me laugh, well, when they aren’t making me crazy… =)

    My husband took 3 of my 4 sons, fishing… in a boat. They came to an area they had fished before and my oldest son (who is 7)kept saying something about a booby in the water. My husband tried to ignore for a while ( a parenting style that rarely works but we always like to try), but then he had to question what he was talking about. Not trying to draw attention to the fact he was saying the word “booby”. My son said “I was just talking about that booby in the water” and pointing to a BUOY, wheew! My husband tried to correct it… but he continued to innocently use the word. We hope he has stopped now, or at least we hope he doesn’t share that he found a booby this summer with his 2nd grade teacher… we don’t want to be written up!

  17. My 10 year old has her birthday soon. The uncles from a distance asked her for a birthday list. She listed a few things then wrote ****Clothes, jewelry and $$ are accepted.

  18. My niece was preparing to enjoy a well deserved bubble bath when she realized she had left the bath gel in the hall closet. Clutching a towel about her, she entered the hallway and on her way back to the tub she encountered her 5 year old son who wondered aloud “Mommy, are you covering up your party parts?”

    He had the concept of private parts down, but was just lacking the right terminology!

  19. We were at Costco a few weeks ago and my 2 1/2 year-old daughter saw two nuns dressed in their fully white habits. She turned to me and said “Mommy, they look just like Jesus”. The nuns were quite impressed and one of them came over and blessed her.

    A few days later we received a package from my mom; the box was filled with packing peanuts. My daughter, and 9-month-old son, played in the box for several hours that day. When my husband came home that night she ran up to him and said “Daddy, will you come play in the penises with me”. He just looked at me with raised eyebrows as if to ask ‘what ARE you teaching her during the day’. I was laughing too hard to correct her.

  20. On Wednesday nights, my kids are very excited about going to Iguana. I haven’t had the heart to correct them.

  21. The other day we were at a home school play date. The children were happily playing in the basement while the mommies had a cup of coffee up stairs. Suddenly, one of the boys appeared in the kitchen and declared, “We need some help. The girls have gone wild!” I almost spit my coffee across the table. All I could visualize was the home school version of Girls Gone Wild.

  22. Your daughter’s “Helmet of salivation” reminded me of the day my oldest daughter was telling my youngest daughter she was being “dis-un-modest” because she wasn’t wearing anything.

  23. Acer lately has been obsessed with his heart. He puts his hands on his chest and asks ‘Is your heart there?’ Whenever he uses ‘do you’ ‘are you’ etc, he’s mimicking what he hears instead of saying ‘My heart is there’/ So several times a day we reassure him his heart is there. He also knows that ‘Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit’ are in in his heart, and Love is in his heart, But he checks on those bits too.
    So now he asks if God is… Listening to a particular song, (yes, if you are) wanting to go down the slide (he goes down with you in your heart and is glad you are happy), and wanting to eat (or join in whatever activity Acer’s contemplating). Acer also likes to go Heart to Heart with me, by putting his chest on mine.

    Acer also has a toy he calls the ‘New This’ drum. Except when Acer says it it sounds like the ‘Nudist’ drum. No Nekkid Bongos!
    Heather BT

  24. We’ve started a quote of the week post on my blog for 2 reasons: I forget the funny things my kiddos say waaaay too quickly and this will help ‘save’ them
    AND
    because I totally crack up at what kids will say so innocently.
    The side benefit has been that my older kids are totally into helping me decide what the quote should be! So, now it’s a family affair AND I have 3 more minds helping me remember. Super cool.
    Ok, just now the 3yo was singing along with the song for “The Lion King”… you know, the beginning in Swahili. Well, she sang very loudly, “Jaaaaaaleeeepeno!”
    Hee! Hee!

    I wish I had discovered your 30 Day Challenge before now, I may try it for October.

  25. About 2 years ago around Halloween my parents were babysitting my girls, 2 & 3 yo, for a few hours. When we returned the 3 yo announce they watched the movie the “Wolf and the Hoe”. The could be taken a variety of ways so I asked my mom what they had watched. The movie was actually the “Fox and the Hound”

    Another one that has plagued our family was when one christmas we were serving dinner. As I place a bit of hot chicken on my daughters plate I said,”Let the chicken SIT on your plate to cool for a minute.” Then my dad said to my daughter, “You say,”Chicken sit on my plate.” He was just being silly with my daughter and not realizing how those words would sound coming out of my daughters mouth. She obeyed and said, Chicken s_it on my plate! with great authority. We were all caught off guard and just about fell out of our seats. Which of course made her say it again and again. We finally got her to stop. Then a week later my parents had a dinner party and were watching our girls while we were out. And in the middle of dinner with some very conservative friends my daugher pipped up with “Chicken s_it on my plate.” …Not exactly what you want to be said at the dinner table. LOL!

    My parents are very careful with what they say around my girls now.

    I have loved reading all of these!

    Mo

  26. When a football game was on, my boys (ages 5 and 3) pointed to the cheerleaders and screamed, “It’s the booty girls! Booty girls!”

  27. My only daughter is not quite 2, so everything she says is cute (to us, anyway) but isn’t inherently funny to anyone else. Today in the checkout at the grocery store, she saw a recipe magazine with a gingerbread cookie on the front, and said, “Dooie Man!” (cookie man)

  28. debbie reynolds says:

    you can’t be out of money you have lots of checks

  29. During our summer trip home we eating dinner with my parents and 14yo sister. My sister and 5 yo son Willie were busy picking at each other when she let out a loud burp. In a most serious tone he informed her that that was completely unneccessary and girls should never burp or fart.

  30. Oh, goodness, your stories make me want to have your children over for a playdate! So sweet and delightful.

    The only recent story I can remember is my son coming up to me last week and saying oh-so-seriously, “Mommy, I’m becoming a man.” “You’re becoming…?” “Yes. I just found a hair in my nose.”

  31. Baby was quite confused and frustrated the other day. She received a costume for her birthday. I think it’s a fairy costume. It has wings attached to the back.

    Baby wanted to wear it; she said she wanted to fly. So I put it on her and she bent over and was looking back over her shoulder at the wings. Then she started hopping up and down. I started to laugh, but she was angry. I asked her what she was doing.

    “I CAN’T FLY! THESE WINGS AREN’T WORKING!”

    I wanted to fall on the floor laughing; she was still hopping and looking at the wings. I explained to her that the wings were pretend, and that she could pretend to fly.

    She gave me a look that said, “Get this thing off me if I can’t fly!”

    If only I had captured it on video. I would be sending it to AFV.

  32. Tonight when we were talking about whether or not the kids would watch a video, my 4yo told me that daddy made an “incision” that they wouldn’t be watching a movie. My husband thinks she has been to the doctor way too much!

  33. It rained for three days straight here in Michigan and we let the kids go out and play in it. Several hours later my almost 4 year old Dru comes down the with his hands up in the air and shouts out, “God is going to flood the earth AGAIN!”

    I reminded him of the rainbow….

  34. Do my high school students count?

    My favorite is from a sophomore paper on Romeo and Juliet:
    “…because Romeo was abscessed with Juliet…”

  35. This was told to me by my five year old while eating out and she had finished and we had not….she getting a little squirmy, and I reminded her of her mannes..she said,” Manners are completely so not fun.”

  36. Our boys refer to Panda Express as Honda Express…yes, they are obsessed with vehicle manufacturers…lol!

  37. our youngest: Daddy, what’s a muslin?

    Daddy: muslin? a kind of fabric

    our youngest: Oh. I thought it, you know, the people who believe something different.

  38. Those are adorable, Mary!

    I just posted a video on my blog of a funny little exchange that my daughter and I had, not too long ago. She’s my youngest…and my spunkiest.

  39. Not so much said but did….My 1 yo was aggrivating her 3 yo sister. 3 yo was getting upset and said she was going to hit 1 yo next time she did somthing. I told her God wants us to turn the other cheek when someone is mean. When 1 yo bothered her sister again 3 yo promptly grabbed her sisters cheek and turned her head to the other side. She must be very literal 🙂

  40. My 5 year old was not happy about doing chores and in a frustrated voice asked me “Mommy, why do you make us do all of YOUR chores?”
    Apparently they are used to me doing everything LOL

  41. My 8 year old daughter had lost a tooth recently and my husband was the one who usually took care of the “tooth fairy duites” but he was out of town on business . That night I forgot to put some change under her pillow. She woke up devestated that the fairy didnt leave her any money for her tooth.
    I felt terrible!!. But I decided she was old enough that I should tell her the truth about the tooth fairy.
    I of course I did NOT want her to tell the younger kids that there was NO tooth fairy. So I first told her I had a very big secret to tell her & to make sure she didnt tell anyone this secret.. I proceeded to tell her that the reason she did not get any money from the tooth fairy was because usually her dad was the tooth fairy and beacuse he was gone out of town I was supposed to do it but forgot and that is why she didnt get any money. I then handed her some change for her tooth.
    I thought things went well until I over heard her telling the nieghbor girl that she had a really big secret to tell her.. “”My daddy IS the tooth fairy” apparently she took me very literally and was very excited to find out her daddy WAS indeed the tooth fairy!!