Today is very difficult. Our 12 year old is being terribly volatile, probably in relation to her seizure meds, maybe also in part due to her one-year-home anniversary yesterday. I called the neurologist who promptly took her off the Keppra, but it will take awhile to get out of her system and sort everything out. In the meantime I am just sick over the stress all our other children are enduring. Oh, and probably the seizures will come back too. I must trust that God has a good plan, but I am very raw today, very low, very discouraged, and I would greatly appreciate any prayer.

{ 54 Comments }

  1. Oh Mary! I will definately pray for you and your family. In fact, let me stop right now and pray…..

    Ok, just finished praying for you and your children in all of this. I know how very hard it is to balance meds and side effects. Add side effects to an already stressful anniversary and this must be a very difficult time.

    Mary, our Lord knew about this long before He led you to these children. He knows you, your family, your children, and all of the situations you have faced, are facing and will face. He is with you in this. I know how hard it is to hang onto that sometimes…believe me, I know. But that is what faith is, clinging when we can’t see. And prayers, you definately have mine. I haven’t met you IRL but you are dear to me and I will approach the throne for you multiple times today and through the week. Please continue post how things are doing and if you have specific prayers, I would be honored to pray specifically. Just email if you need to.

    Gentle hugs to you today,
    Amblin

  2. mary, i am praying for you. i do understand some of what you are going through. i especially understand feeling badly for the stress these situations put on our other children. i will continue to pray and pray!
    blessings,
    amanda

  3. I will pray for you and the rest of the family.

  4. Hang in there. Everyone else will be fine. It is good for them all to see that you love your children, volatile or not! I know that in the middle of things, coping is difficult. Try and keep sight of the eternal perspective that I know you have.

    Prayers. Wish I could drop by with dinner and cookies tonight.

  5. karin anderson says:

    Mary, you are a strong women and I know that you can make it through this. Remember it is ok for Moms to go a little overboard when times are stressful. Take time to take care of you the rest of the family will be just fine. My hearts go out to your 12 year old daughter, how scared she must be, so young to go thru so much. I will keep you in my thoughts

  6. remember that God has a plan for each of you. His plan is for restoration, healing and growth. His plan will bring glory to Him. AND you WILL survive it. I am praying for you all today. I can’t imagine how tough it is right now. Keep clinging to the promise that joy comes in the morning. Even if it’s just a moment of joy.

  7. {{{ HUGS }}} and tons of positive energy your way!

    Karen

  8. I have been and will continue to pray, Mary. Don’t be too hard on yourself and just take it one moment at a time. The other kids will be fine. They know they are loved.

  9. praying dear one. hang in there! love, sue

  10. You all are in my thoughts and prayers. ((Hugs))

  11. I am praying and will continue to do so-we have a great high priest who understands it all, especially rebellious, volatile hurting children. Climg to Him and claim His name of Jehovah-rapha, our healer. Hang in there, you are doing a good job of loving those kids, even when it is crushingly exhausting to do so.

  12. praying for you, Mary….

  13. Praying for you and your family today, Mary~

  14. Prayers of peace for your family.

  15. You know, something just occurred to me. I have a friend whose sister used to have unknown epileptic type seizures for ages. A couple of years ago, they actually discovered that it was psychosomatically induced over the trauma of losing her father when she was young. After therapy started, she began having fewer and fewer seizures. I haven’t talked to that friend in a good while, so I don’t know if they have completely gone away, but I know that the sister went from being almost completely debilitated (not able to hold a job, etc.) to having a much more normal life again.

    Now that you’ve mentioned the one year anniversary of your girl coming home, it occurs to me – could there be some sort of a link? I don’t know y’all beyond what you choose to share here, but I thought it worth mentioning. I hope you soon have some answers, whatever they may be, and that she can be healed. ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. A friend sent me this and it has been on my bulletin board ever since. It helped me so much:

    I was regretting the past and fearing the future……..
    Suddenly my Lord was speaking: “MY NAME IS I AM.”
    He paused. I waited. He continued,

    “WHEN YOU LIVE IN THE PAST WITH ITS MISTAKES AND REGRETS, IT IS HARD. I AM NOT THERE. MY NAME IS NOT I WAS.

    “WHEN YOU LIVE IN THE FUTURE WITH ITS PROBLEMS AND FEARS, IT IS HARD. I AM NOT THERE. MY NAME IS NOT I WILL BE.

    “WHEN YOU LIVE IN THE MOMENT, IT’S NOT HARD. I AM HERE. MY NAME IS I AM.”

    I will pray for you today when I am challenged by my young ones.

  17. You got it. Don’t worry… Worrying won’t make anything better.

    ((HUGS))

  18. Praying for you today. One of my adopted brothers also has a hard time during the time of year he came. Knowing it is common doesn’t make it any easier though, does it? Peace and wisdom be your today.

  19. Oh Mary!! I’m SO, SO sorry that it’s hard right now. Yet, I’m so thankful you are trusting the Lord has a good and perfect plan in the midst of it. We will pray the seizures will NOT come back. We will pray for your daughters heart to reach out to Christ in the midst of this trial and for this to be a pathway for her to adore Him, treasure Him, trust in Him, and hope in Him! So thankful the Lord has led your family through all of this – His hand IS evident, and He will continue to guide and give you the strength you need. Hebrews 12:3
    “Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted”

    prayers and hugs!!

  20. Mary,

    I read your blog often but have never left a comment before. Please know that there are many of us adoptive mothers out here who are praying for you! We know the pain, we know the hardships, we know that we can pray for each other. I am praying for you!

  21. I’m married to a woman who has seizures…HAD seizures. She had a time trying out meds years ago too. And everything did sort out eventually. Praying and hoping things get sorted out for your child soon.

  22. Mary,

    I am praying for you today in Marion, Indiana.

    Love, Shannon

  23. Mary, A tough day. I am so sorry. Honestly, I think a lot, but not all, but a good measure of this might just be the meds. If it’s not the right one, then just taking her off, weaning her off, I know… will help. the seizures MIGHT not happen as you will then start up the next one and try it. But these meds can be lifesaving but also mood altering. Radically so. Appetitie altering, activity altering, etc and so on and so on. So. Hang in there. Today is today. And it’s almost done. Tomorrow her levels will be a tad differnent and she might too…and some of this, I suspect, she cannot help even as she directs it smack at you. Been there, done that. Be extra kind and gentle to Yourself. Forgive yourself for getting tired…..and burnt out. That’s normal. IT’s ok. YOu’re still gonna get up tomorrow and you’ll do what you can and the rest,…will be ok. This WILL PASS. THIS WILL PASS. I will pray for perseverance and courage for you. I promise. You’ll get through this part, no matter what.

  24. Prayers now being sent up!

    Just to share… we have the same thing happen when it is ANYONE’s birthday, adoption day, etc. Thus we have to keep it insanely low key.

    We did adopt a child today and I said NO TV EVER if anyone creates a scene in court and praise the Lord, it went very smoothly!

  25. I’m sorry this is a bad day (on top of a bad day yesterday)…try and keep your chin up. we are rooting for you.

  26. I know it’s terribly disheartening for you today, but wow. Look at all the folks who have committed to say some prayers for you. ๐Ÿ™‚ Add me to the growing list and try not to worry about the other kids – they probably understand more than we think.

  27. You are all in our prayers….

    Blessings
    Julie

  28. Mary,

    There is nothing worse than watching our children in pain or grief. Especially when we can’t do anything to “fix” it. There is a plan, we just can’t see if from here sometimes. I’ll be praying for you all.

    Jill

  29. Mary –
    Yesterday was our daughters adoption anniversary also. I spent some time reflecting and being thankful for all her positve changes we chose to not mention the date to her. Since she is young enough it flew right by. I understand how all those little things can bring back BIG real grieving and it takes its toll on everyone else in the family. Please know that you and your family have been lifted up in prayer today.
    Michele

  30. thinking of you all and you are in my prayers mary. xo

  31. Just wanted to let you know that you and your family will be in my prayers.

    I love your blog and find much support here although I don’t often say anything. Thank you for sharing your struggles so I can help support you in prayer!

  32. Oh Mary, I am so sorry. Big ((Hugs)) to you. I have been there, with tears threatening for days on end. Hang in there. Take it one hour, one minute, one second at a time. Whatever you have to do to make it. I’m praying for you right now and well as your 12 year old and the other children.

    God Bless,
    Julie

  33. Kathleen says:

    My prayers are with you, Mary, and your whole family.
    What a tough, tough time for you all.
    Since I told you about the CFLs and seizures, I’ve found that another friend has been affected. (First 2 are my mom and sister.) Since your daughter is off the meds, I know you’re worried about the return of seizures–replacing the CFLs with incandescents would be an easy experiment to run. My experience is that it takes a while for full health to return, but all 3 of those I know noticed a huge difference within a couple of weeks.
    All 3 are 100% fine, now.
    This may not be the answer to your daughter’s problem, but
    it would be a cheap and easy one to check. (When you remove them, wear gloves and store them in the garage or barn, in bags. Be very careful not to break any.)
    I hope that you are able to pinpoint the cause of the seizures very soon.
    And I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there, Mary.

  34. I have been a reader for quite awhile, but I don’t think I’ve ever commented. I felt I should, this time, though, because I’ve been trudging through the pit myself, lately. Unknowingly, you have often been a source of encouragement while I was dealing with children with attachment issues, and all the emotions and issues that come with the blessing of adopting or fostering children. I hope I can do the same for you.

    Anyway, what I really wanted to tell you was that THIS PLACE, this very low, battle fatigue that you are experiencing is where you grow and where the Lord teaches. Walk in it. You can’t pull yourself out. The walking and the learning are part of the VICTORY. I think Jeremiah was depressed his whole life just SEEING the plight of humanity…..and the more you stare it in the face the more you must GO INTO the pit and deal with it, deal with life, deal with yourself and deal with GOD and then EMERGE the STRONGER…but not in your time or your own power!

    I will be praying for you as you walk this! Keep walking. You’re doing JUST FINE, and pointing other lives to Christ as you go.

  35. I am praying for you… I have gone through two teenaged girls and can’t imagine what you must be going through with the additional circumstances. Thanks for sharing your day and allowing us all to bless you with a prayer or even a simple thought. Hope tomorrow is much lighter for you, Lady.

  36. Everyone has said much of what has been on my heart for you. So, I will assure you of my prayers for you, for your sweet girl, and for the rest of your family, dear Mary.

  37. In our weakness then He is strong.
    I will keep praying for you.

  38. Oh, I am praying.

    Steph

  39. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding…” He loves that girl even more than you and holds the key to her heart.

    It’s the trusting that’s hard.

  40. Praying and praying.

  41. I would hug you and hold your hand and listen to everything you have to say if I were there. This must be so very hard for all of you. I hope it will pass quickly. I know you will find a bright side. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  42. I am praying for u Mary and for ur family ’cause u are doing so much good work.

    Hugs

  43. storming the gates of heaven in prayer for you and your family…….
    Meg

  44. Praying for your entire family, that He lift you up physically, spirtiually and emotionally, that He comfort you and bring you peace, that He reminds you who He is and why He called you to do something that can be so incredibly draining.

    Praying hard.

  45. Prayers, Mary. Take care.

    Shannon

  46. Keeping your family in our thoughts and prayers. Stay strong!
    ~Holly

  47. I will be thinking about your and your family. I was SO hoping that you would have had a better day. You are a great mom and I know you can get through this. After giving your daughter lots of reassurance maybe let her spend some quiet time alone today-drawing, reading, anything. Just to re-group. I know it helps for me to take a minute away and put my face down and take some deep breaths. Makes all the difference. ๐Ÿ™‚

  48. Remember: If God leads you to it, He will lead you through it.

  49. I am so very sorry. Yes, I will pray for you all.

  50. There’s that saying “it takes a village to raise a child”, but I always read that and think “it takes a village to keep the moms sane”. The network of support from other parents, who may not share our exact circumstances but all share in this crazy adventure called parenting, is so vital, crucial, and priceless.

    Hang in there. You’re providing your children with such a wonderful wholesome life, and this foundation will go with them always. No matter where they choose to walk, know that what you’re doing – good days and bad- will be something they can always hold onto and cherish. A teenage girl with tantrums today, but in 20 years? She’ll perhaps be in your shoes with a little one of her own, and calling you for guidance. heh.

    You can do this. Women have a deep strength of the enduring kind, more than we ever know until we look back and see the evidence.

    My prayers are with you and your family!