Waiting badly

Yeah, that pretty much sums up today. I want court dates and travel dates and tickets in my hand. I’m glum from lack of news, and trying hard to fight the doldrums.

It rained yesterday, half an inch, which is a lot for around here. It sounded lovely on the roof last night. This evening there’s a puddle on the front step and the little girls are splashing in it and making hand prints on the step.

My husband has the vans out of the garage and is sweeping the garage. It needed it quite badly and looks lots better.

From inside the house comes the theme song of ‘Pirates of the Carribean’ played on the piano by my 17 year old. She made cookies before dinner. When she discovered we were low on chocolate chips, she cut them in half to spread the chocolate further, and added pecans. Yum.

My oldest is off at work this evening. She’s working at a really nice ladies clothing store in our area this summer. I keep meaning to go shopping there, because one of the perks of her job is a 50% discount– and, yes, she’s allowed to buy for relatives. Hmm…? Maybe a little shopping therapy is in order tomorrow…

Earlier my boys and I played a little basketball, while the little girls tried to snag the balls from us. We had four basketballs out, but the two year old stubbornly decided that whichever ball I was using was the only one she wanted. I could hand her mine and pick up a different one to use, but it didn’t matter– she still wanted whichever one was in my hand.

I sent her to bed twice for whining, and she came out both times pouting and say, “I don’t like you.” Lovely. I’m trying to teach her to say “I love you, Mommy” instead but when she is mad at me she doesn’t like me, plain and simple, and she wants me to know it. She’s still getting over her flu bug, so has been out of sorts today, which makes it harder for me to decide how firm to be.

I’m grateful that right now she’s decided to go play with sidewalk chalk instead of finding things to fight over. My youngest four are all drawing with chalk all over the asphalt now. My younger 9 year old has just drawn an enormous elephant with huge pink ears. It makes me smile.

My 17 year old brings me our iPod and tells me to listen to a song she likes. I listen for awhile and have to write down the words. My two year old comes alongside my chair and takes an earbud to listen along with me. She smiles into my eyes as we listen together, and then she hands me back the earbud and walks away singing Halleluyah.

It’s a perfectly beautiful evening. Yes, I have two daughters in an orphanage 8,000 miles away, and I am impossibly eager to get them home. But for this small moment I’ve remembered the excitement of expectancy and the poignant beauty of my life right now.

I am blessed.

Playing on the iPod: Hallelujah by the Newsboys

I’m looking up
Holding out
Pressing forward
Without a doubt
Longing for the things unseen
Longing for the things I believe
My true country

We hope and wait
For the glorious day
All tears will vanish
Wiped away
On the saints this day already shines
On the saints this day already shines
It already shines

And we’ll be singing Halleluyah
We’ll be singing Halleluyah
at the top of our lungs Halleluyah
to your glory

We’ll be singing halleluyah
We’ll be singing halleluyah
With all of our breath
To your glory
And I know that it’s coming but I can’t see it now
and I’m touched the moment but I can’t hold it yet
it glows in the darkness and it calls us away to our true destination
to that glorious day

We’ll be singing Halleluyah
At the top of our lungs Halleluyah
To your glory
We’ll be singing Halleluyah
We’ll be singing Halleluyah
With all of our breath Halleluyah
To your glory

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  1. sincerelyanna says:

    Like seeing a montage. I’m waiting too and it’s really hard at times…just tonight I got a call at 10:08 and my heart leaped because maybe it was the agency calling at such a late hour. No, it wasn’t. But I rest in God’s timing and faithfulness. Hallelujah.

  2. Whoever said it was 1/2 in was insane. My daughter’s bug jar was full to the top and it’s a good 6 to 8 inches tall.

    Isn’t it lovely when God points out the good to us? And then wraps us up in it for a while??

  3. Waiting, ugh!
    We found out we’re waiting without a definite end in sight. The search for an elusive piece of paperwork that we need for a court date on our boy.

  4. She cut those wee little things in half? Wow. I’m impressed!

    Waiting is hard. No doubt. I cannot even imagine how you guys are getting through this. I have nothing to compare it to.

    But, we’re all anxiously awaiting with you, if it helps.

    So big hug all the way from down here in AZ.

  5. and the photo that struck the deep chord for me was that last one… sweet, sad, hopeful, and full of expectation all wrapped up in those balls lying on the ground at sunset.

  6. It’s hard to wait, but then, it is also all about living NOW isn’t it? I keep thinking that one day, Mary, those new daughters of yours will read all this and realise how loved they were from the beginning, when you knew them, had great plans for them and loved them but they hadn’t come home yet, or met you. Now why does that sound so familiar?????

  7. I’m a lurker who reads your blog every single day. It always blesses me. I love to hear about just the normal but wonderful blessings of family life. You encourage me in so many ways. Thanks for sharing your life!

    I’m in Africa but way too far away to go check on your girls. Wish I could. I’m praying for everything to happen in God’s time for you.

  8. How clever of her to cut the chocolate chips in half – I’m trying to imagine the patience that took.

    I love the photos in this post. They all speak of a lovely afternoon.

    Can’t wait to meet your new daughters – I know the waiting is killing you.

  9. It seems that the waiting was getting to everyone yesterday- that’s what I’ve read on a lot of sites (or maybe that’s just how I’m feeling 🙂 … but that song is beautiful. Thanks for sharing – it’s a good reminder.

  10. charruff says:

    We leave for Ethiopia on Saturday at 5am!!! We’ve completed our waiting almost. And as first timers, it feels completely surreal. No idea what to expect from these two precious ones who we love so much in our hearts. Yet we don’t know their favorite color, what their giggle sounds like, or how they like to wear their hair. So much to learn. I can’t wait to begin!!!