An empty space

My husband and I have a running joke that when I say, ‘who’s missing?’, then count kids and discover that everyone is actually there, that there must be another adoption pending.

This week I have been having that feeling over and over. Yesterday I called upstairs for one of my older daughters and surprised myself by almost saying the name of one of the daughters I’ve only touched in my dreams. Today I called for my under-10’s to get off the driveway and into the grass so that my newly-licensed 17 year old could back the car out of the garage and drive away. And the little group of children I corralled and counted didn’t seem like nearly enough.

Since my oldest has been off at college, I’ve felt a bit off-balance anyway, having to remind myself where the eighth child in my group had got to. But now my counting is getting even more confused. Seven here, one there, and two oh so very far away.

Come home….come home….

Playing on the iPod: Chris Rice- I See The Moon

Can you see the moon tonight
Sugar-white perfection
Radiant beams of purest light
Our hearts’ connection
Carries me back to a lullaby
The sweetest song in my memory
Of Mama’s voice on moonlit nights
To hush her babies, singin’…

I see the moon, the moon sees me
The moon sees the one that I want to see
God bless the moon, and God bless me
And God bless the one I’m longing to see

Did you ever notice the man in the moon
He’s the master of reflection
Somehow he knows and imitates
My heart’s expressions
Some nights he’s melting in clouds of tears
Or shining my smile like the bright sun
But look, tonight the moon looks like
He’s missing someone

I see the moon, the moon sees me
The moon sees the one that I want to see
God bless the moon, and God bless me
And God bless the one I’m longing to see

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  1. I love Chris Rice’s songs…. this one especially! So excited for you – times two!

  2. Holy Moly….9 kids? Aw, you can do that.

  3. I knew that it was time for us to have a third kid when I kept looking around for the “missing” one while we were out in public, so I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about!

  4. An-ti-ci-pa-tion ….. it’s making me wait!

  5. What a beautiful way of expressing that longing!

  6. Marian says:

    They’re coming! They’re coming!

    I know that “missing someone” feeling!! Every once in a while I get it, sometimes doing a head count and then thinking, “Wait… that’s all?”

    I also feel off-balance every time I’m out with my kids who are home during the day. With my eldest home, but my second-born at school, well, it’s just all out of order and strange– if you’re missing anyone, it just feels like it should be the eldest.

  7. It’s amazing how a mother’s heart can expand to love children she’s not held yet.

    You are such a beautiful person Mary….

  8. I love that! I’ve had the same experience, which I guess really isn’t the same at all. We only have 2 right now, and I’ve pulled out plates for dinner for “the kids that aren’t home yet”. My husband laughs (and minorly freaks) whenever that happens.

  9. I think I am as excited as you are about the kids! I cannot wait for them to come. I am so happy for you and for your entire family.

  10. mary – what a feeling…i know what you mean.

  11. Mary you almost made me cry. We just returned from vacation in the states and I couldn’t shake that “someone is missing” feeling. I know we have a long adoption journey ahead of us since it’s our first and we’ve chosen China, but I know God is covering us and will bring us the child He’s planned!

  12. What bethm1994 said – ditto.

  13. trina-p says:

    My MIL had that “someone’s missing” feeling before she found out she was pregnant with my youngest SIL. Her other three children were 15, 13 and 11 when she was born.

    She’s actually been freaking me out a bit lately twice in two years when I’ve been there for dinner she’ll say “someone’s missing” and twice it has been when Nick and I have been talking about having another baby.
    We changed our mind the first time and the last time she said it was a week ago and we’re secretly currently in the 2ww. We haven’t told anyone IRL that we’re trying for a second child.

    It’s seriously freaky but also really exciting.

    Goodluck Mary

  14. trina-p says:

    PS – My husband was the 13yo – now 23.

  15. I know very well that “someone is missing” feeling. I’ve been having it for 1 1/2 years now. If only my husband would feel it as well. Ahh well, God works in His timing and I am waiting in faith on Him.

    What a wonderful exciting time you are in right now, Mary! The anticipation of bringing your newest children home!

  16. This is exactly what happens to us…only in the past we knew another pregnancy was coming…now it’s an adoption. I actually set the table the other night with an extra plate.

  17. So sweet, Mary. I know how you feel.

  18. That’s fantastic. I love the way God speaks to us – in our own languages.

    Gosh – makes me love him so much!

  19. Rachel says:

    Oh, Mary! I had that same feeling during our adoption waiting time! It’s so wonderful how God prepares our hearts (and our calculating!) for more family. [:-)


  20. I’m exacly where you are and listening to the very same song. Last summer we took Solomon to see Chris Rice in concert in Washington. One of Solly’s favorite pictures is the one with his arm around Chris Rice.
    PS – Not blogging this ’till we know more, but our caseworker called and asked if we would be interested in a 2 year old boy currently in foster care but soon to be free for adoption….we’ll see what God does here. Maybe my stick will finally turn pink!

  21. Gosh, it sounds like Chris Rice’s song was written just for your situation. Those lyrics are really beautiful!

    I am sure that their dreams and anticipation of a new family and home match your longing to share them. And…of course, they’re looking at the same moon (just like the song says).

    What great days lay ahead for all of you! (Raising hand) I’m excited!

    Melanie 🙂

  22. I remember when Rachel had that feeling… precious! i can’t wait for them to come home!

  23. So amazing! I love this post, Mary!!! Thanks so much for sharing!! I was just telling my husband this morning about your little girls – praise the Lord, praise the Lord…..and AMEN, may they come home soon!!!!!!

  24. I love this song! During our adoption wait, I used to look up at the moon at night and know that my babies were looking at the same moon. SOON!!!!

  25. I have that feeling all the time. I was amazed to feel it, considering a few months earlier I felt overwhelmed with the children I already have. How interesting and wonderful that God “enlarges” our hearts in this way to prepare us.